- I Suck -

I'm such a bad man in this whole wide world...: Lil Ed and the Blues Imperials....

There are two kinds of people in the world: People who hate me and people who don't hate me yet.

There is one constant in this world: No matter what the circumstances and no matter what happened, everything is always 100% my fault. In addition, I am always wrong. Always.

Unless something goes right: In which case, I played no part in the success whatsoever.

The world was truly a wonderful place before I came along: And the world will once again be blissfully wonderful when I'm gone.

It's true. Everything that's bad that's ever happened since the beginning of time... *MY* fault. Yep, it was me who's responsible for Adam eating the apple and getting humans kicked out of Paradise. Ooops.. Sorry.

The rules of the universe do not apply to me: If I complain about my boss, the company will fire me. If my employees complain about me, the company will fire me. See how that works? I'm amazed that gravity works for me.

Ted Bundy found someone to marry him during his murder trial: Other mass murderers have gotten married while they were on death row waiting to be executed. I, on the other hand, am lucky if I can get a second date with someone.

More on the rules of the universe: A guy on the suicide help line got pissed off at me because I was tying up the line in case someone important was planning suicide (you can't make this shit up)....

This is a sincere statement: I truly do not understand why people hate me so. And especially, why have I been hated by almost everyone since pretty much my first day of life? I mean really... when your own Mother hates you when you are still an infant, how can that possibly be my fault? Certainly, there are things about me to not like. Lots of things, probably. Who in the population can say otherwise? But hate?!?! I just don't get it.

The paradox: The paradox here is that I go way far out of my way to be invisible so it's not like I am out there intentionally trying to make enemies. I rarely leave the house if any neighbors are outside and I rarely engage people in conversation. I know that no one cares what my opinion is on anything and I understand that the less people hear from me the better they like it. Nevertheless, there are lots of people out there who absolutely dispise me even though some have never even met me and have never had any interactions with me. I have had several people offer unsolicited, horribly bad employment references even though they admitted that they didn't actually know me. And of course because the rules of the Universe do not apply to me, my prospective employer gave these people's bogus input the utmost consideration.

Needless to say, if I ever offered up negative "testimony" about people I didn't even know, the least that would happen would be that I'd be ignored. More likely is that I would be sued for defamation, and rightly so. See how the laws of physics apply to everyone but me? I suck!.

I will say this though: People never cease to amaze me with their ability to rationalize and justify their own reprehensible, dishonest, mean, vindictive and/or spiteful behavior. People will happily shit on you and then claim it was your fault because you look like a toilet. I have to wonder where some of these people picked up their ethics. Especially since most seem to be self absorbed and narcissistic to the max.